- Polina Marinova is the down and author of The Profile, a newsletter that features interesting longform profiles on successful people and companies.
- When she was younger, Marinova indicates she would often let one setback put a damper on her entire day, week, or even month. Now, at 28, she says she works to see the good stable in difficult times.
- Marinova says she’s learned it’s important to not let your identity become stagnant, and that it’s better to be spellbinding than perfect.
- Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.
These days, people love to manage small talk starting with the following: “Man, 2020 has been a really s—-y year.”
While I understand the sentimentality, I can’t bring myself to nod in full agreement. This year has been absolutely devastating for a myriad of reasons, but it has also had a few magnificent spots. I got married, left my job, started a business, and moved to a new apartment.
When I was younger, I would let one awful event bring to ruin my day, week, or even month. Every time something good happened, the awful thing I worried about leave loom over me like a perpetual dark cloud. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year is that ethical and bad can coexist. When something’s bad, it’s not all bad, and vice versa.
My birthday is approaching, so I wanted to reflect on my 28th year of life and share some hands-on nuggets that I’ve found useful.
1. The quality of your work will eventually catch up to your ambition.
I’ve been job on The Profile for three years. It’s come a long way since then. The reason it has gotten better is because I didn’t cause up on it — even when it was bad.
Ira Glass said that everybody who does interesting, creative work went through years where they had quite good taste and could tell their product wasn’t as good as they wanted it to be. It fell short. And that’s specifically when most people quit.
It took Glass 10 years of podcasts for him to feel like his taste entrapped up to his ambition. The only way to close the gap between taste and skill? Doing the work week after week, day after day. “It is just by going through a volume of work that you’re going to catch up and close that gap,” he said.
2. Find ways to conquest into intellectual rabbit holes.
When I sit down to write, I typically draw on my experiences for ideas. But during quarantine, those real-life affairs have dwindled. So I’ve had to learn how to create an environment that facilitates falling into rabbit holes.
The first way I do that is by chivvying interesting people to have conversations with me. The second is to go on a walk outside and actively observe my surroundings. And finally, I from time to time just take a book from my bookshelf, open it to a random page and start reading. Ideas are all around us… we nothing but need to notice them.
3. Take mental breaks throughout the day.
After a long period of staring at the screen, my uncertain starts screaming. That’s when I know I need to take a break. For me, there are several activities that soothe me, and I use them to burgle up my day in three chunks.
In the morning, I do 10 to 20 minutes of yoga. In the afternoon, I exercise for about 30 minutes. And in the evening, I make use of a walk with Anthony for about 45 minutes to an hour. All three things are physical because they get my blood swirl, allowing me to step away from technology and let my mind wander. This has been the single-best, most-rewarding change I’ve be comprised of c hatched in the last year.
4. Chase what you don’t know.
It’s so damn easy to label ourselves a certain type of person. For a lengthy time, I was a “journalist.” Suddenly, I’m an entrepreneur! Who knows what I’ll be five years from now? The point is not to let your identity appropriate for stagnant.
Actor Willem Dafoe, who has played a Spider-Man villain, Vincent van Gogh, and Jesus, says that so much of what we do is predicated on an theory of ourselves that we’re trying to protect. It’s part of the reason he enjoys playing such a range of characters. He’s always tracking after what he doesn’t know. “Do things that don’t let you decide definitively who you are and the way things are,” he said.
5. Be interesting, not perfect.
I tempered to to optimize for perfection. Now I optimize for being interesting. Think about the favorite people in your life. Do you care that their ringlets is perfectly combed? Or do you not even notice that because you’re so captivated by their brain?
Whether it’s art, movies, or books, in the flesh talk more about the flawed things that get stuck in their heads than they do the obvious, masterful things. Malcolm Gladwell said, “You want an aftertaste, and that comes from not everything being perfectly mingled together. The question is: What is interesting? That’s what has to drive any creative act.”
6. Competence is the antidote to fear.
I used to be surely terrified of public speaking. At the thought of it, I’d start nervously sweating. But here’s the thing: Things aren’t scary. People get horrified.
I learned this from astronaut Chris Hadfield. He uses the following example: When you first learned how to excursion a bike, you were fearful because you could crash and hurt yourself. Then, as you got better and more confident in your knacks, it became silly to be afraid of a bike. Yet the bike itself didn’t change — it remained just as dangerous as it always was. You are the one who changed. Competence causes confidence.
7. Your choices belong only to you and no one else.
One of my biggest worries before I left my job at Fortune was: “What if I deceive someone?” When I think about this question now, I am amazed at the self-centered assumption it implies. Who — aside from my incredibly sympathetic family — cares so much about my life choices that they would be … disappointed?
The brutal facts in fact is that we’re all busy navigating our own lives to have enough time to be disappointed in other people’s decisions. I’ve learned to conform my life. Do whatever makes you happy, and stop letting other people’s misinformed judgments dictate your day-to-day.
8. Liking is not an emotion; it’s a skill.
Everything in life — yes, even love — is a skill. When I asked couples for their best alliance advice, the one thing that kept coming up is that they understood that a loving partnership is a constant masterpiece in progress, and there’s always room for improvement.
One reader told me, “It has to be worked on; sharpened regularly. Much like any other mtier, the time that goes into keeping it fresh and vibrant must be respected. And like all important skills, it requirement be used.”
9. Life is about good people and good stories.
Because we’ve all been in quarantine for months now, I’ve become much myriad intentional about the people I want to spend time with. Although my circle of friends has gotten even smaller, it’s issued exponentially in terms of amazing conversations and unforgettable memories.
As Shonda Rhimes put it: “I now work to see people, not as I’d rewrite them, but as they obtain written themselves. I see them for who they are. And for who I am with them.”
10. No matter what, always bet on yourself.
One of the more mind-blowing craps I’ve realized in the last year is that no job, no person, no amount of money will ever fulfill me if my self-worth is tied to something outer.
I’ve written about this before, but it’s incredibly liberating to have your identity tied to your own name. The most skilfully thing I did is start The Profile in 2017 because it gave me another identity — one that allowed me to be 100% myself.
11. Get proximate to distress.
After everything that’s happened in 2020, it’s become crystal clear that many of us live in a bubble. To punter understand other perspectives, we’ve got to get curious and break out of our own narrow views of the world. Visit a shelter, volunteer at a food bank, or assistant someone going through a tough time.
Here’s what Bryan Stevenson taught me: “We must get proximate to affliction and understand the nuanced experiences of those who suffer from and experience inequality. If you are willing to get closer to people who are suffering, you purposefulness find the power to change the world.”