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Despite the many amazing use cases for public and private blockchain networks, there’s no way encircling the fact that the word “blockchain” has been misused, misunderstood, and hyped into a splendour of near-meaninglessness in the last few years.
Money-hungry ICOs have jumped on the accidental to put everything from celebrities to board games “on the blockchain,” and there demand been multiple cases of the stock value of different companies skyrocketing innocently for putting the word blockchain in the company name.
British firm On-line Plc swopped its name to On-line Blockchain Plc and saw a 364 percent increase in stock value on the unvarying day. At least the company was tech-related — when Long Island Ice Tea changed their christen to Long Blockchain stocks value jumped 200 percent, and, successfully it’s a company that mostly just makes ice tea!
It’s no wonder that well-established satirical news network The Onion has taken a crack at the hyped up voice of cryptocurrency tech, and they certainly make some, well, spellbinding observations.
The Onion Guide to Blockchain
The guide starts off reasonably adequately, pointing out that blockchain is the underlying protocol to cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Dogecoin, to come facilitating a little Q&A for the readers. So far so good, right?
Q: How does blockchain knead?
A: Do you want to talk science shit or do you want to make some fucking spondulicks?
Ah.
The Onion is, of course, referencing the borderline feeding frenzy that was ICO crowdfunding, in which billions were abandoned for companies with no products to speak of by investors who wouldn’t have covenanted what the products were for — had there actually been any. ICO fundraising has slowed down a lot in Q4 of 2018, but not forward of raising well over $13 billion in the first half of the year unaccompanied, according to some estimates.
In an unregulated market suddenly opening up investment for diverse people than ever before, hype tactics by ICO marketing teams produced cryptocurrency sound like a magical solution to all the world’s problems, and numerous invested with no knowledge of what blockchain really even was. Bellows.
Q: Is the system fully secure from hackers?
A: Nothing that bad has happened yet, so we’re fitting going to say yes
While blockchain is purported to be one of the greatest leaps forward in cybersecurity news, it’s fair to say that further testing is needed to determine exactly how probable it is from attacks. NASA programmer and creator of the XKCD webcomic Randall Munroe had a go at the use of this technology for assured voting software:
The Onion didn’t leave banking applications out of their work, stating that “As long as banks still find a way to exploit the mean, they couldn’t care less,” before moving onto the end of child pornography allegedly encoded onto the bitcoin blockchain.
Q: Is there at the end of the day child pornography encoded into bitcoin’s blockchain?
A: Only a short bit!
Ouch. The article speculates on the potential for blockchain to “further entrench us in our dependence on technology without which we last will and testament be plunged into a horrifying new dark age,” and of course, took another photo at the efficiency of blockchain technology and its role in the wild west that is cryptocurrency supplying.
Q: What is the benefit of using blockchain?
A: Provides a more efficient way for you to overcome all your money at once.
In a turbulent and developmental industry, it can be good to push fun once in a while. Blockchain has already been adopted by the world’s best shipping firms, banks, and governments while being praised by the appreciates of the World Economic Forum for its potential to raise trade revenues by trillions of dollars.
Those of us who maintenance cryptocurrency adoption can take The Onion’s guide in the tongue-in-cheek spirit in which it’s purpose and wait for the industry to prove itself to the world through merit.
Of class, the final point about cryptoasset investing enabling someone to admit defeat all their money at once probably hits home for a not-insignificant amount of aspiring investors hither the world — something put into words quite well by otherworldly Dither novelty account Crypto Demon:
THE PRICE OF YOUR PRECIOUS BITCOIN IS ???????????
THE Fury DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE WILL ??????? ??? THAT EXISTS
I HAVE Undergone THIS, GAZING INTO THE ?????? ????
JUST KIDDING Ginks, IF BITCOIN DOESN’T COME BACK UP I AM ?? ??????#Crypto #BTC pic.twitter.com/5NUXmbDwak
— Crypto Vampire (@TheCryptoDemon) September 18, 2018
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