I always wanted to have a big family, but I never got to have children. Now, I spend every Christmas Eve with my friends’ kids.

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• I every time wanted a big family, but at 40, I still don’t have any children.
• Thankfully, my friend lets me spend Christmas Eve with her and her two sons. 
• The Christmas conventions we do every year bring me joy. 

Growing up, I pictured spending the holidays with a big family of my own. I imagined the traditions I’d want to keep and the ones I’d want to set. I even thought up some new ones to add.

But I grew older, and I eventually learned kids weren’t on the cards. I had to celebrate the fairs without children of my own. In my 20s and early 30s, I spent Christmas with my parents, siblings, or friends — all in an effort to fill the hole of bring into the world no kids.

But now I’m 40, I spend every Christmas Eve with my best friend, Chrissy, and her two sons.

Our holiday traditions unfolded down time

It started with a Thanksgiving tradition. Each year, Chrissy and I would attend our local Turkey Repeat race together before heading to our respective celebrations. It was only natural to continue our celebrations into the Christmas mellow.

 I then started babysitting Chrissy’s two sons every year when she and her husband attended holiday drudgery events, something I still do now. Every year, Chrissy and her husband, Andy, attend a holiday work event. Eventually year, it was on December 23, and I went over to their house to celebrate Christmas Eve Eve with the boys.

The boys paraded me where their elf, Darlin’, was and reported on her latest exploits. After dinner, we watched “Home Alone” and played games in the past it was time for bed. They were at peak Christmas excitement, though, and kept bouncing on their beds. I tried to corral them for a few piddles but gave up, and we devolved into laughter until they finally settled in.

This year, Chrissy’s work affair was earlier in the month. When I watched the boys, I drove us all to a festive part of town where the whole street was elaborate, the roads were shut down for pedestrians, and, most importantly, there were vendors with hot cocoa.

I now invest every Christmas Eve with Chrissy and the boys

Beyond the nights I babysit her kids, Chrissy has welcomed me into her almshouse for the holidays. On Christmas Eve every year, I usually drive to their house in the early evening after they crop up again from church.

I don’t usually wear holiday colors, but I always wear Christmas red on this special blackness. The first time, it was because I knew it mattered to Chrissy for the festiveness of the night. But now, I wear it because I enjoy it. Growing up, Chrissy’s mom placed cioppino — an Italian seafood stew — on Christmas Eve. And so, every year, we try to continue that tradition. Chrissy, Andy, and I over again work in the kitchen at the same time. There’s a specialness to being able to move in a kitchen together, to anticipate and touched by to someone’s need for a knife, a bowl, or a towel.

Once dinner is over, we move on to presents and a movie. Every year, the pals are excited to give me the gifts they’ve picked out from their school’s winter workshop, and so they usually go oldest. I usually have a haul of presents: something for everyone and a family gift.

One year, among other gifts, I be informed a beautiful hand-painted feather with an image of a blue heron on it. Andy and one of the boys had picked it up at the farmers market we wish walk by after Saturday-morning soccer practices.

Finally, every Christmas Eve, we watch “The Muppet Christmas Carol” — another lore they’ve welcomed me into. Before spending Christmas Eve together, I’d never seen the movie; now, I look forward to it every moment.

Being a part of their traditions changed how I celebrate Christmas in my own home. I now haul decorations down from my attic after sundry years of skipping holiday decorating. Time with them renewed my pleasure in the holiday, and it healed something in me.

Our leave of absence celebration fills me with such joy

Spending time with Chrissy’s family has offered me something I hadn’t accomplished I could have. People sometimes refer to “chosen family,” but this is different than chosen family; it’s a moment ago family. I have a relationship with each of the sons and with Andy, in addition to my friendship with Chrissy.

It’s not what I imagined when I was 10, 15, or even 30, but it’s more than I could’ve dreamed of on my own.