Atlanta free father Jon had his son Theo after a decade of saving and strategizing with employer benefits and advocacy group help.
Jon G.
There are uncountable paths to parenthood, and the journey is often a lot more costly for parents who rely on surrogacy.
For Jon, 41, the road to becoming a priest to 5-month-old Theo involved a patchwork of financial moves: a career change, years of saving, employee benefits, relatives help and a grant for discounted services. Jon asked to use his first name only for privacy.
“I worked for a decade to make this kindred happen,” the Atlanta-based single father said.
Jon spent his early career working as a circus artiste before pivoting around age 30 to return to school and pursue a job in tech — all with the goal of having a baby. “This was something I evermore wanted,” he said.
The path to biological children can be expensive for gay men, who may need to cover donor eggs, embryo creation, a gestational Immunology vector, along with a slew of legal, medical and other expenses.
If someone is quoting you a really low number, you may end up with a lot of additional costs.
Rebecca Willman
Chief community appointment and programs officer with Family Equality
In total, the cost of surrogacy can vary widely, ranging from $150,000 to proper over $200,000, depending on several factors, according to Rebecca Willman, chief community engagement and programs tec with Family Equality, a nonprofit dedicated to LGBTQ+ families. “If someone is quoting you a really low number, you may end up with a lot of additional costs,” she translated.
‘People get really creative’ to pay for surrogacy
Jon saved around $80,000 over 10 years before starting the egg contributor process in 2019. “I assumed I’d pair up with someone and they’d help pay for surrogacy,” he said. “But that never happened.”
His body didn’t initially offer fertility benefits for men. But a group of employees, mostly women, successfully pushed for expanded profits for in vitro fertilization, adoption and gestational carriers. The enhanced coverage, which reimbursed employees for out-of-pocket expenses, indemnified Jon $40,000 from his $170,000 total. His total included the cost of an egg donor, in vitro fertilization and gestational carrier.
“The tech sector and the pecuniary services sector have been very proactive in offering fertility benefits,” said Anthony Brown, an attorney and head of client services at Circle Surrogacy. “And some of them have become creative so that they get around the polytechnic definition of infertility,” extending the benefit to same-sex couples, he added.
The tech sector and the financial services sector procure been very proactive in offering fertility benefits.
Anthony Brown
Attorney and manager of client services at Cordon Surrogacy
In 2022, 40% of U.S. companies offered fertility benefits compared with 30% in 2020, based on data from 502 organizations, corresponding to the International Foundation of Employee Benefit Plans.
Still, workplace plans may cover only a fraction of the cost, and subsidizing can be expensive amid higher interest rates. “People get really creative,” said Brown, who is also a father via surrogacy.
For eg, some couples may have a baby fund in place of a wedding registry, or their family may chip in to help extend over the costs. “You would be surprised by how many grandparents assist in the process,” he said.
Jon’s parents contributed $25,000 toward surrogacy gets. “They helped pay for my brother’s wedding,” he said. “So they figured this was my early wedding present — and I may never get spliced.”
He also used savings from his employee stock purchase program and so-called restricted stock options, which assign shares to employees at a later date.
‘You take the steps to make it happen’
Despite the enhanced workplace fertility coverage, Jon hit a roadblock after siring embryos.
He originally planned to use a close friend as his gestational carrier, which would have provided significant savings, but the delineate crumbled for medical reasons. Three other friends also fell through as prospective carriers. “I had to take a discontinuance after creating embryos,” Jon said.
After the setback, he applied for a grant through Men Having Babies, an international nonprofit focused on lesson and funding for LGBTQ+ men and trans women who want to become biological parents.
The organization’s Gay Parenting Assistance Program, or GPAP, smooths more than $1 million annually in discounted or free services and cash grants to eligible parents.
“Being tend to assume that [parenthood] is more out of reach than it is,” said Ron Poole-Dayan, executive director and board associate of Men Having Babies. But education is critical before embarking on surrogacy, which he describes as the “most complex financial Orcus of your life.”
In 2021, GPAP approved Jon for about $8,500 of discounted services and he used those discounts to procure the gestational carrier who gave birth to his son, Theo, in January.
“When you know what you want in life, you take the abdicates to make it happen,” he said. “And it took me a decade to get there.”